Fiction: The Restoration of the Nerf

A legend of our fathers:

In the days before God organized the West Mission, and divided it from the Mission from which it had been organized, there was but one Mission, that was the Utah Salt Lake City Mission. And there were many Mission Presidents that were called to it, and many elders that were called to it, and also many sisters.


And now, in the days of Elder Johns there was a great mourning and lamentation among the missionaries of President Kermit, whose missionaries they were in that day, for NERF had been banned, according to the word of President Kermit. And great was the lamentation of the people.

And it came to pass that the Assistants to the President proclaimed unto all the missionaries that they should gather themselves together according to their zones, to go up to the Mission Office to hear the words which the Mission President should speak unto them. And it came to pass that the missionaries gathered themselves together throughout all the mission, according to their zones, that they might go up to the Mission Office to hear the words which President Kermit should speak unto them.

And they were taught, and at the end of it returned every missionary out to the field of his labors, all except Elder Johns. And Elder Johns said unto President Kermit in the parking lot, "Tarry ye here a little while." And Elder Johns went out to his car, and returned, and lo, he had with him his own NERF gun, which was like unto many missionaries' guns, having been modified by its owner. And the modifications were so that it shot better, stronger, and faster, lacking all safety features, and the color of its paint was camo.

And Elder Johns put it in the hands of his President and went a little way off. And when he had gone off he shouted to President Kermit to shoot him. And after that it had been emptied of all rounds Elder Johns returned. And he took back the gun and asked his President, "How did that feel?"

And President Kermit said unto him, "This day is NERF restored to the Mission, for verily, it felt most awesome." And then he spoke again unto him, saying, "Elder Johns, you are like unto the Devil in this manner, for you say unto men, 'Try this,' and then say unto them, 'How did that feel?' and thereby you lead them according to your design. Use this power not for evil, but only for good."

And Elder Johns was enlightened.

Epilogue: And it came to pass that NERF was shortly thereafter banned again.