A little bit of progress, at least

Sometimes people wonder about who I was before I went on a mission and why I went. There was a time when I would smooth over some ruffly parts in my backstory and sweep some dust under the carpets of history. Meditations on truth and honesty led me to change this and be more forthright about some things whenever the topic came up.

The part that I had the most hesitancy about discussing was that, prior to my mission, I was on the track to inactivity in the Church. The reasons for that are better-suited for another post. For my present purpose it is enough to be clear that, though I didn't know it at the time, I was slipping off a mountain.

One thing that I did know wasn't as sure about the Gospel as I should have been. Too many questions and not enough answers, to summarize it briefly, and after much searching without success I decided that the thing to do was to go on a mission. That, at least, should have answered the questions that I had.

To make a long story short, it did (a good thing, too, because they were a bigger concern than i was realizing at the time and, as mentioned before, i wasn't staying active indefinitely with those concerns in my mind)- and in under six months to boot!

What still boggles my mind when I think about it is the response of one member who heard my story, who promptly asked, "but you had a testimony before you left on your mission, right?" I didn't in this explanation, but when I was talking with her I had clearly stated that my intent on going on a mission was to gain one, so I was very confused to be asked if I had had, before going on my mission, something that I was going in order to obtain.

This does leave me in a curious position, however, which I realized after that exchange. I recognize very well the danger of not having testimony before leaving for your mission, and I don't believe that everyone lacking will get one if they go. In such a circumstance I must paraphrase the late and great Hunter S. Thompson: I can't very well advocate it with a good conscience, but I have to admit that it's worked with me.

Where I'd be today without my mission, I don't know for sure, but I do know that it wouldn't be good.