I went back to 4chan.
Maybe they'll inscribe that on my tombstone.
I had a short-lived weekly thread there a few years ago, where I'd take story requests and make something out of them. I'd write right there, which led to my stories being crappy. I'm taking it back up again and trying something different: taking the requests then but writing throughout the week and posting the stories the following week. I hope that it'll work out better than last time but I suspect that it'll take a couple of weeks to get underway. Right now I have one request, which I think that I'll be able to turn into something decent.
While I didn't plan it that way, Monday was also a day for figuring out just a little bit more about my acrophobia/fear of falling (I think that it leans more toward the second than the first). I could file it away entirely as an inexplicable phobia but I know that there's something more to it, something underlying it, and I want to get at it and find out what that something is.
Going to Pioneer Park on Monday was the first time in a long while that I felt a really visceral fear, stomach churning to the point of making me feel ill. Me-at-Moab found the experience undesirable, even if part of me was even then coldly monitoring the situation and assessing the information that I was gleaning, but present!me is grateful for having had the opportunity. Accurate conclusions can't be reliably drawn without raw data, and this is a matter for which I would appreciate drawing an accurate conclusion.
Just while we're his blog is an experiment in itself. As you can tell I'm sort of just spitting words onto the screen. I'm editing, yeah, but I'm still trying to figure out my groove, find what I'm really writing and when and why, and how to do it. Just, stuff. If I'm lucky I'll be able to figure out exactly how to roll with this blog. if I'm even luckier, I'll be able to do it sooner rather than later.
Edit Oops. Pioneer Park, not Moab.
Elder Brickey says, Tell us about the acrophobia!
ReplyDeleteSo far as I can tell right now, it's centered more on falling than heights in general. What I worry about specifically is falling, and if there's an adequate rail or other barrier than I don't feel ill at ease. Slopes also make it worse (otherwise I can just stay a couple of feet from the edge and be okay).
ReplyDeleteOn this occasion, though, all that I could think was "If I lose my footing and slip, I'm rolling down this slope right through that rail with its big, big gaps."
With the little information that I have at hand I think that it bespeaks a lack of self-confidence. I worry about falling because I'm sure, absolutely positively sure, that I'm going to slip or fall for some other reason. In many other areas of my life, too, I generally feel that if a given endeavor fails it's because of me and not some other factor.
If I'm correct then the fear of falling should go away as I work out this other problem.